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The Possibility of Someone.

It is a tough gig being a single mum. I would never have chosen it/it was never on the cards/it is not something I would have considered. But here I am.

And as hard as it is (which it is) there is a guilty secret which we mommas share. I think you're not really meant to talk about it because we're injured/it didn't work/it's so painful/it's not going away. But it is there nonetheless.

And that secret is this: now we are free. And there is the possibility of someone else and/or another life. Another whole chapter about which we are free to dream.

Our future is not sorted.

Listen, I hate doing all the bills myself, working out college applications, sorting council tax. BUT, because I'm on my own, I will be free to change my life. My story is not over. I can create a whole new world if I want to. And when I want to.

This time I will know what to look for. This time I will have greater self-esteem. This time I am older, wiser, more knowing of myself and how I tick. I can choose and, thank the good Lord, I still absolutely believe in good things.

I can dream of who that someone might be. Whom I would love. They're out there somewhere. I am free to dream. I am not bound. I am not limited. I am not sorted. There is still time!

This makes me laugh because there are so many days when I wish I was sorted. That everything was just going tickety-boo and it wasn't all down to me.

BUT there's a flip side. I am free, and I can choose to change my life.

So, if you're out there struggling, consider this. You've got this far, my valiant friend. We are not without sin ourselves BUT... we are older, we are wiser, and we are free.

Choose the rest of your life. Dream of the partner you might love to find, or of being gloriously content alone! The point is your life is solely yours.

And I will be right alongside you.

jsg/sept 2020

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